Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
