I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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