Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
