spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
