stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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