I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
