I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
