I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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