Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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