Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
