Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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