i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
