Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
