Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
