A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
