Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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