WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
