hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
