Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
