did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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