dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
