sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
