I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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