we have officially mastered the walk of shame
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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