DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were destined to go to rehab together
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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