so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
