I heard we made out
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
