Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
