I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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