you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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