I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
