Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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