He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
