Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
