i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
