i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
