i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
