my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
