Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
