My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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