Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
