I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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