I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
