What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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