you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
