wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
