she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
