When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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