If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
