I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She said her name was "party"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
